 | This post addresses a question many of us think, but know we can't voice without being offensive. But the answer to why we can't be brutally honest it is not that it is offensive. How can we just stand by when we feel a friend is making a 'bad' decision? This is a question of support versus validation. The desire comes from the heart...but is it actually True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary or Kind? |
There is a common misconception that once a person has all the information, the conclusions become obvious...and of course we would all conclude the same. After all, fact is fact - right?
If only it were so simple.
Information is only one part of the puzzle. So being Brutally Honest, whilst it may come from a place of concern and love, is not being Realistic. An Informed Decision is about more than just information. When we assume (never assume!) that another individual has the same values, beliefs, background, circumstances, pressures, support, and motivations as ourselves, we fail to acknowledge the Awesomeness that makes us individuals. What is right for me, is not necessarily right for you. How I apply the information to my own situation, will differ to how it applies to yours.
And this is crutial.
This is why 'brutally honesty' is brutal. It is not respectful, and is very unlikely to sway someone to feel the same as you.
If only it were so simple.
Information is only one part of the puzzle. So being Brutally Honest, whilst it may come from a place of concern and love, is not being Realistic. An Informed Decision is about more than just information. When we assume (never assume!) that another individual has the same values, beliefs, background, circumstances, pressures, support, and motivations as ourselves, we fail to acknowledge the Awesomeness that makes us individuals. What is right for me, is not necessarily right for you. How I apply the information to my own situation, will differ to how it applies to yours.
And this is crutial.
This is why 'brutally honesty' is brutal. It is not respectful, and is very unlikely to sway someone to feel the same as you.
 | The goal is not to draw the same conclusion. The goal is support someone to make an Informed Decision. |
| Supporting someone means accepting their choices, after taking the time to listen and understand why they are making that choice. When a person has had full opportunity and autonomy, with evidence-based information, they can determine for themselves what is best for them at that time. |  |
Sometimes, we do not know the full story behind someones decision. Sometimes, we are perplexed by why someone seems satisfied, elated even, with a birth story that makes us cringe. It is Her Story.
